Ripcord Gogger: September 2009

review a six-year-old video game that you all probably used to think was awesome, and have since gotten over it over the years. But it's new TO ME and I still think that this game is awesome and ground breaking and revolutionary.

This game is Silent Hill 3. It's a Konami game made in 2003.

Whoever is responsible for this game is a sick, sick person. All the monsters are just awful and you see some of the most horrifying things. I don't want to spoil the game for you, but it's just disgusting and you have no idea when stuff is going to jump out at you.

The worst part is that most of the game is calm for the most part. It just gives you threatening atmosphere, but not much is going on. It's pretending to be an interesting adventure game with some creepy monsters to chase after or that you can beat to death with a lead pipe if you so please. But it's only fooling you. When you're all relaxed after a couple hours of unlocking doors and getting further into the level and not getting into any trouble, some AH GAWD WHAT IS THAT STUFF Freudian imagery is standing right there as if nothing is the matter. It might chase after you too.

And I was afraid to play the game at all whenever Heather was forced to go into the Otherworld. Everything turns to gore. And I feel like I'm going to mess myself whenever I enter a room.

It's a thoroughly icky game and I highly recommend it.

But be warned that the bosses fights are ass. They're all very easy and repetitive. Totally kills the suspense. I wish I could just surgically remove the boss fights from the game and it would be perfect to me.

I also bought another ancient PS2 game, Killer 7. So far it's pretty awesome. There are invisible zombie suicide bombers that are always laughing maniacally, they're called Heaven Smiles. You play as a guy in a wheel chair with 7 other personalities, named Harman Smith. He's a complete bad ass. He has a big ol sniper gun that blows people through walls.

His first personality is Daren Smith. He's a black guy in a white tuxedo, and what he does for a living is raise the dead. Whenever another of your personalities die, Daren can go and get their head (which has been conviently stuffed into a paper bag by the police, I guess), and then you get to warp back to the last save point and mash X button to bring them back to life, Frankenstien-style. If Daren dies you lose.

Then there's Dan Smith. It's his job to shoot things with a magnum and be arrogant.

KAEDE Smith is weird. She uses a handgun with a sniper scope on it that shoots rapid fire, so she can kill the zombie terrorists from far away. She wears a white dress that cuts short, but it's always blood stained, and she's always bear foot. She slits her wrists to suck up blood or spray her blood all over stuff to despell curses and barriers.

Kevin Smith is the guy without a shirt who never talks. He throws knives at zombies and can turn invisible like they do. Unfortunately, he has nothing to do with one of my favorite movie directors. : - (

Coyote Smith is the lock picker. He also jumps really high. He looks like the guy from GTA Vice City. He also holds his gun upside down for some reason.

Con is the teenage ninja kid who is always wearing a bandanna. He's really fast and uses dual pistols. That's all there is to really know, he's good if you're trying to speed run, but he can't take hits IMO.

Then there's MASK de Smith. Suda51 must have some obsession with MASKED LUCHADORE WRESTLERS, cuz he is easily the most awesome personality. He's simply a dude wear a red Luchadore mask that's always wearing a cap and a white tuxedo. He fights with wrestling moves and two hand-held grenade launchers. No joke. In one cutscene, someone tries to shoot MASK de Smith in the face, and MASK de Smith just headbutts the bullet and crushes it. Doesn't leave a scratch on him.

It's a very strange game. You spend most of the levels shooting explosive laughing zombies and talking to ghosts. The ghosts talk in radio gibberish but it's subtitled. They're all pretty quirky and funny characters, and so far I encounter about 4 reoccurring ghosts. There's your servant ghost who wears red scuba gear and has his eyes sewn shut. He is always advising and worrying about you. Then there's Travis, an old guy in a black wife beater who constantly waxes philosophical. There's the Japanese guy whose always bloody and warning you about how the next monster killed him and giving vague hints. Then there's the disembodied girl's head that talks to you in more radio gibberish like the other ghosts, but her subtitles always have her tell you a morbid story with lots of emoticons. ( ; . ; )

I don't like calling it a video game though. It's more like a collection of interesting puzzles and awesome cutscenes, and you hold down X button to move forward (not seriously), can only turn down hallways, and stop to shoot invisible zombie suicide bombers.

But it's very fun so far and you should play it. I found the PS2 version for five american dollars.

Yeah, so it's been awhile since I posted on the Ripcord Gogger, school and other engagements have kept me away from my secret love.

So here are some reviews!

District 9- HOLY ZEN this movie rocked harder than Dinosaur Hitler vs. Kenshiro and Golgo 13!! I mean, ask yourself...why would Wikus have sex with a FOOKING CREATURE!? Also african warlord gets his head asploded with a electro-prong. This movie has the Tokaro Seal of Approval stamped on it about 30 times over. 10/10

GI Joseph The Rise of the Mummy-........No comment. They played Boom Boom Pow at the end credits so that pretty much sums up the experience. 4/10

Mass Effect- I'm sure I've reviewed this before but I recently beat it again, Mass Effect was an amazing game with some slight issues THE MAKO *ahem* that would cause some jarring issues, it was a gripping experience and I cried with tears of joy when Captain Anderson laid out Ambassador Udina with one pawnch. Very moving in the manliest of ways. Also I was gunning to get it on with Liara however Ashley aka RACIST McHILLBILLIE came on to me and raped me in the Normandy bathroom. 9/10

Batman Arkham Asylum- A very fun game with great stealth puzzles, cool challenge rooms, great dialogue and voice work and incredibly lame repetitive and uncreative boss fights. 7.5/10

Obese Dutchess- It's ok, pretty fun, feed the lady some CAKE! 7/10

Katamari Forever demo- ............OBHJKFVAJIDBHAKHDALBHDLABHDLABLDBAKXB