Tomb Raider Underworld | PS2 | PAL

There is something I should elaborate before I begin this review: this game sucks.

That said, I can't really say that I enjoyed playing the PAL version of TOMB RAIDER UNDERWORLD on my PS2. That's probably because I didn't. And here's why:

1. The first thing you will find everyone whining about is that the controls for this game are sluggish and do not respond. Forget that! The truth is, they totally forgot to punch in the programming for controls. You don't even need to make Lara turn left or right - just press and hold UP to run, and if you need to turn, just move the camera that way. So for 90% of the game, you're just holding UP on the analog-stick.

2. I believe I had to fight 2 jaguars, 6 mystic un-dead dogs, and maybe 4 viking spirits in the whole game. I just slid past everything else. I don't even recall any bosses.

3. Jumping from ledge-to-ledge - which is probably a TOMB RAIDER trademark - will 8/10 times result in instant death if you are by chance moving the camera at the same time.

4. The biggest puzzle in the game is learning how to swim. I will not say a word because it took me 10 minutes to figure out on my own. If I tell you how, that will be the biggest spoiler of the entire game.

5. Another huge puzzle is when after a quick cinematic, you see Lara get off her bike and ready to get going. SPOILER: After running ahead for like 15 minutes, you will find out that you actually had to get back on the bike. So it's time to run ALL THE WAY BACK to the bike that you abandoned 15 minutes ago, get on it and then clear the area.

In fact, this was a bigger puzzle than the swimming controls.

6. The controls for Lara's motor-bike may be hazardous to your PS2 controller, especially if you happen to have a mallet nearby. Also, her bike runs on jet fuel because the engine doesn't freeze in stages where the temperature is like 500 degrees below.

7. The biggest new feature in this whole game is Lara's hair, which sometimes falls down to the front of her neck. And for those of you who want to get this game just to see her clothes and skin get all wet when she surfaces from underwater - they don't ;-(

Story score - 0/10
Box-art score - 8/10
Un-lockable features score - Should remain locked (with Ed Boon and Itagaki)
Graphics - 7/10
Slowdown score - Insane/R'tarded
Underwater and bike stage scores - Garbage / 1,000
Bad-guy design score - Horrible/MIDWAY
I'd play this than Tomb Raider Anniversary - No way/$1 Million
Overall score - Play any other game/All games ever made