count em' chumps, 2 new reviews.

happy belated thanksgiving everybody, here's a quickie of what i think is good or bad.

first up, super street fighter II turbo hd remix.

WOW, it looks slick, it plays just as good, properties have been changed as well, for the sake of fairness. some of these changes are balrog and dahlsim's infinite throws, t-hawk's diving move, akuma's brute strength... there also have been some input command changes, like guile's super, t-hawks double circle commands, zangief's spinning lariat.

overall, if you're a serious tourney player, or even a casual fighting gamer, this game may tickle your fancy.

it's a great teaser before street fighter iv hits consoles in february.

sonic unleashed for the 360.

it's madness, it's sparta.

this version obviously trumps the wii's in terms of well, everything. you get the complete experience, the way it was meant to be played, super dizzying fast, with more daytime levels than night-time ones, gorgeous backdrops and level design (though some could be questioned, but i'm not complaining..) they're a lot of quick time events in the game too.. putting more emphasis on that classic "be on your toes" approach the classic sonic games were known for.

i really don't understand the semi-alright reviews this game is getting, i mean, i could understand thew wii version, but the 360 version??

did i mention that the music was great too?

if you're a sonic fan, and hated sonic 06 and shadow the hedgehog, check this one out, you're defintely going to have fun with this game.

it's awesome sonic team.

now, hit one out of the ball park.

Playstation Home

the beta for Playstation Home has launched, and maybe i got a beta code but i`m probably not supposed to talk about it. all i`m going to say is i`m standing in a bare bones apartment with sage green walls doing the running man while i go take a shower for real

~maxie

sonic unleashed and skate it in a few sentences...probably not.

sonic unleashed would've been the best game ever had sonic team focused more on the day-time levels. the werehog levels aren't bad, it just slows down the pacing A LOOOOTT... and it doesn't make it any better that sonic team basically tries to shove the werehog concept down your throat by making you play more night-time acts than day-time acts. but it's really cool to bash the **** out of your enemies while flailing your wii-mote/ nunchuck up and down like a kid with down syndrome, it's satifying in that aspect, the platforming is solid, though it's nothing TOO OMGZREVOLUTIONARIEZ.

over all, this game could've gotten a really high score from me, honestly, but i'd give it an 8. had it not been for the over abundance of werehog levels, this game would've easily been a 9, maybe higher. this is coming from a sonic fan, and it seems to me that sonic team is finally getting it. no cheap deaths, the camera is solid, the controls are solid, the music is awesome, gone are the 80's hard rock stylings of passed sonic games, and in are more traditional sonic themed levels.

they got the engine right, if only sonic team did away with their tendancy to disappoint...

skate it is a great skateboarding game on the wii. probably the best, and probably a little easier to play on the wii that a 360 or ps3. san vanelona has experienced a set of natural disasters destroying the city in the process, now you and your camera guy are left to skate san vanelona, as well as other real world locales.

the control scheme is every bit as rewarding than the 360 and ps3 iterations, feeling that with every bail on the board, you feel the need to nail that trick.

the levels aren't whacky or anything, they're pretty much built to skate in. nothing fancy, this is all about your precision and timing, but if you get extra creative, nothing's impossible.

this is a great way to wet your palette before skate 2 comes out.

my only negative for the game. considering that games like mario galaxy, smash bros. brawl, the legend of zelda, and sonic unleashed look great on the system, EA really doesn't have any excuse for making this game look sub-par.

very washed out visuals, and unproportinal bodies are a real drag considering what the wii is truly capable of the that department.

but the gameplay is there, and that's what really counts right?

8.5

any skating fan who is tired of the tony hawk games in general should give this one a whirl.

no bogus journey review because my next review(s) will be on:

sonic unleashed 360
prince of persia 360
tatsunoko vs. capcom

i'm also heading down to chinatown fair after this little get together with my art buddies is over with, and i'll prolly press my luck in street fighter iv.

maybe a short review there??

who knows, but the three games that i've posted are definitely going up there soon.

-m

Max Payne VS Hitman (not starring TOM CRAPPY)

Hitman, movie review
I'm not a big fan of the HITMAN videogame series. I remember playing BLOOD MONEY for a whole hour and not liking the experience at all.

The movie is no better either. The movie's only saving grace is Olga Kurylenko, who for some oddball reason strikes to me as quite appealing. But hey, not in this movie. In this movie, she looks like a junkie whom I don't want to know, ever.

Oh yeah, and Timothy Olyphant (who?) plays the character of HITMAN, AKA Agent 47.

Concept: Agent 47 didn't follow orders, so his agency wants to get him killed.
Action: They hire 400 bald extras.
Consequence: Agent 47 kills everyone.

Score: 4/10


Max Payne, movie review
I'm not a big fan of the MAX PAYNE videogame series. I remember playing THE FALL OF MAX PAYNE for a whole hour and not liking the experience at all.

John Cena is not Matt Damon is not Mark Wahlberg is MAX PAYNE are all lookalikes. This is another movie based on a similar videogame. With Olga Kurylenko.

(I swear, I only saw this movie for Olga Kurylenko.)

((Spoiler: she dies in like 10 minutes.))

(((Another spoiler: this movie dies in 20 minutes. )))

Concept: MAX is a quiet police detective secretly looking for his wife and baby's killer.
Action: The killer conveniently pops into the open after maybe 10 years of hiding.
Consequence: MAX kills everyone.

Score: 4/10

Quantum of No-sense

Movie review for JAMES BOND 007 in QUANTUM OF SOLACE (2008)
heatingpad and I met up today after like 2 weeks at the movies. This review is based on our many random conversations.

Ebert and Roeper Jr.

"We still have 1/2 an hour before the movie starts. You wanna have drinks now?"
"We still have 1/2 an hour man. You wanna pose next to this 007 poster?"
"I'm gonna go find the bathroom."
"How about next to this Indian movie poster?"
"Shut the hell up."

"We shouldn't have had seafood before this movie."
"Yeah, Quantum of Seafood."

"Man, I will never live this down. Being body-searched by a security guard."
"You should've told him you left the bomb in your other pants."
"Ugh. I'm taking a shower the moment I get home."
"Not a cold shower, I hope."
"Yeah, shut up."

"They say Olga Kurylenko is the worst Bond girl."
"They should read the movie title again: it's James Bond. Not Bond Girls!"
"They should make a Bond Girls 008 movie."
"You know what, that will be much better."

"I can't believe these Indian movies. They make me wanna pop a cap in my head."
"Give them some credit, they're the only ones proud of making gay movies."

"Do you want popcorn?"
"I'm happy with Coke."
"Is that legal?"
"I meant Coke, upsized."
"How about candy?"
"It's pricey, and we're 2 guys, so maybe no."
"I meant, you can take some back for your baby niece."
"I don't think she's old enough, just like you're not old enough for Indian movies."
"How about popcorn?"

"Hey it says here, ladies should have their handbags checked at the security area. Did you remember to do that?"

"Hey look, rule no.6 says, no knives or guns can be carried inside."
There was something else heatingpad said after this, but I forgot what it was. And it wasn't funny anyway.

"Rule no.4 says, laser pointers are not allowed inside. So I guess we won't find IRON MAN in there."
"..."
"..."
"Haha!"

"Why did we get designated seats? This isn't highschool!"
"We're in a guys-only row. I'm going to yell out "no more guys!" to the usher."
"Next time I'm gonna ask for tickets in a girls-only row."

"Good news dude, your annoying lil cousin can't sit up in front of us, all the seats are taken!"
"What about behind us?"
"Oh ####!"

"Dude, they totally destroyed like 5 BMWs in the first 10 minutes!"

"I can't believe they're allowed to show this. And everyone's watching."
"Shut up, I'm trying to watch."

"What did he just say?"
"Who cares."

"This movie isn't really all that great."
"At least they didn't cut the hotel scene, which is obviously what everyone came for anyway."
"What hotel scene?"

"The camera was shaking and blurring like crazy in a lot of scenes. How did he stop the second boat?"
"He took an anchor, and then the camera shook a whole lot while zooming in all the way, and BOOM. Pretty simple."

"What the hell was going on?"
"Hey, I understood everything. Like, the direction was terrible and the plot sucked."

"I'm going to read Ebert's review for this movie."
"I think I read a little bit of it, and he wasn't very happy."
"I'm going to write a review for this movie now."
"Call it Quantum of No-sense."

"I'm probably going to give it a 5.5 or a 6."
"Yeah, seriously."

Someone left the barf-bag in his other pants.

Call of Doodie: Whirl in Toilet

this game is no good, pal

you can`t even 4 player split screen zombie mode, but you can in Death Match

eat a ding dong a long, CoD (crap on delivery)

i actually went out and bought yakuza 2.

and i'm loving every minute of it.

it's just as solid as the first game, the fighting system brutal, there's more twists and turns in the plot than a standard sonic the hedgehog zone, the voice acting is top notch, the mini-games are even better. so much to do on this disc.

if you like brawlers, go buy this damn game, hell, if you like great games, and are probably tired of the first person shooters that currently make up for 95% of the video game market, buy this game.

Call of Duty: World at War

more like: Call of Your Squad Doesn`t Have Real Bullets and You Get Killed by Grenades Every 5 Seconds

this game is so unreal unforgiving and the AI of your squad mates is literally the worst i have ever seen. ever. they shoot their guns non-stop, but they never hit ANYTHING they should be. i had 4 guys shooting a tractor for about 5 minutes while i tried to kill 20 people myself. and don`t get me started on the tank level for the Russians. here are they, starting their big push into Germany. apparently with ONE GUY IN A TANK.

well, here we are, in Germany. better let that one guy who was in the tank have all the real bullets, we will just be using blanks apparently. i had to test this, so i sat back and let my fellow soldiers go to work on a ton of nazis for a few minutes. they didn`t kill a single nazi soldier. NOT ONE. instead they opted to jam their muzzles into sandbags and unload magazine after magazine. they are also a huge fan of getting shot.

the enemy AI, on the other hand. total pricks. first of all, they obviously know you are the only guy with actual bullets, because you are the guy they are gunning for. oh, a flame-tank is driving through the japanese trench lines? nah, shoot the guy who is 50 yards away. and while you`re at it, throw like 15 grenades at him. thats what happened in WW2 right? people threw dozens of grenades at a time towards a single soldier?

oh, and every time i have died it said "WATCH FOR THE GRENADE INDICATOR!" ps: it doesn`t show up most of the time.

also, all the weapons in this game look like ass.

i am only sticking with it to the finish because i want to unlock the ZOMBIE mode, which had better be pretty damn amazing.

~Maxie

Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia

After spending 10 hours to complete every area in the game including all boss medals, full enemy list, and all glyphs i though I'd write something about a game i spent time on.

Anyways having recently completed the game, with a joke of a last boss, I was wondering what the hell Konami was thinking. The game overall is great and very challenging which SOME PEOPLE have an issue understanding as to why the game is so difficult but it has some serious flaws in the gameplay depth. There are lack of uniquely new weapons and abilities and the first weapon is just about the same as the second one. Honestly I kept wondering why my Macir glyph was not doing enough damage on Eligor until I noticed it was Vol Macir not Melio Macir I had equipped. Go figure. Sometimes I wonder what Konami was smoking while making the game but whatever it’s up to them.

Graphics: 9/10

This is one of the best looking Castlevania on the NDS so far. It has an amazing blend of 2D and 3D graphics which makes it much more unique as compared to the previous castlevania’s which felt like the same games only with different sprites. The enemies have also been redone and look much better in looking and killing them. The background, especially in the water levels, are absolutely amazing where you can see the tide rise and fall in the back which is affecting the actual game as well. It is actually very visually appealing to play the game although some of the areas seem a little too similar which seems to imply laziness on Konami’s part.

Sound: 7/10

To be perfectly honest the soundtrack in this game is as amazing as some of the previous games but it does nothing to really make itself stand out. It sometimes feels like “wait didn’t I just hear that track?” But maybe that’s just me. I did expect something like SoTN but honestly that isn’t going to happen. But still the soundtrack is great there is no denying that but I truly wish it was something amazing.

Story 4/10

Well you have to give Konami some props for not making such a crappy story such as PoR. This story itself is quite simple yet interesting. You play the part of Shanoa, who is part of the organization called Ecclesia. The game begins with Shanoa ready to perform a ritual to become the weapon to stop Dracula. (Yay?) The ritual is interrupted by Shanoa’s friend Albus who wants the power for himself. Then the game goes blank and you wake up to find out all your memories are gone and your retraining to go after Albus and reclaim the power to stop Dracula. Yea well that’s not too exciting and the story is predictable for someone with half a brain.

Gameplay 7/10

Ah the real reason for actually playing a Castlevania game has arrived with a brand new glyph system. The game works as such: you can equip 3 glyphs total; two on your arms and one on your back. The ones on your arms are used for attacking and the one on the back is for support glyphs. You equip the glyphs on the X and Y buttons and press the respective buttons to use them. The L button is for your back glyph which can do anything from increase your Intelligence to summon a familiar. The X and Y button can be used to combo (more like spam) the weapons over and over which consume MP per use. Your MP also recovers over time (very quickly too) allowing you to spam attacks over and over as long as you’re pressing X and Y in synch. That leaves out the hearts which are used for the new glyph union function (press and hold up and press y). Glyph union allows you to combine both the glyphs equipped on your arms for a combination attack that most of the times cover more than half the screen. For example you have Macir and Macir equipped on your arms and you use glyph union, you’ll do a gigantic hammer attack that hits about half the screen. Simple yet effective.

Glyphs can be obtained from enemies but are not as abundant as the souls in Dawn of Sorrow. You’ll find yourself using a few goods one and leaving the majority of others in your inventory never to see the light of day. Although the familiars are fun to use you’ll find leveling them takes either hundreds of enemy kills or having to spend time absorbing the same glyph over and over to level them. All the while during boss fights you’re going to be using an Intelligence boosting glyph instead of a familiar.

Glyph Unions are also very limited. There’s about a total of 29 unions you can perform as Konami felt like not spending time giving the game a little more depth. Most of the unions are just for show but some of them are extremely over-powered given the right conditions. Honestly I killed death in 4 hits so that should give you some idea about it.

The biggest issue most people seem to have with OOE is the difficulty. A lot of people have been complaining about how tough the game is or how stupid a certain part it and all I have to say to them is go complain to someone who cares. I’ve been waiting so long for a difficult game to play it’s not even funny. It seems like good old days are gone and games suck so much that they need games to be made easier for them. For me I believe that the difficulty of this game was perfect and I have all the boss medals to prove it. Not to mention hard more 1 and hard more 225 are even better. Unlike previous castlevania’s where bosses were a joke in this one they are actually a challenge. You need to fight them a few times to understand their patterns and them go in for the kill. Enemies possess certain weaknesses as well but that isn’t that big of an issue as most people seem to complain about. Whenever you enter into a new area there are almost always new glyphs to get that actually make the area much easier. You just have to be smart about what you use most of the glyphs suck and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out which ones. Then the good ones are just that good. Stick with the good ones and ditch the rest it’s that simple.

Exploration 6/10

Unlike previous castlevania’s this one is quite linear which, is quite a bit of a turnoff for some gamers. I enjoyed the fact that areas were separated but there I sometimes felt like I didn’t get to do any exploration until the last stage. The fact that each areas map was separated made it much easier to find hidden areas and the overall change of pace from previous Castlevania games was much more fun. The new area by area system is a somewhat new concept to the Castlevania games somewhat like Lament of Innocence for the PS2, although it was done much better in Lament of Innocence. It seemed like Konami just put together certain areas in their sleep and approved them.

Conclusion

A very new concept by Konami which had some very unique features but the game itself felt rushed and could have been much better with a few adjustments. All in all it’s worth a buy if you’re a Castlevania fan nothing revolutionary but fun to spend some time on. My one question for Konami would be “What the hell were you guys smoking?”

Overall Score 6.5/10

super quick reviews

Fallout 3: the game that gets worse the more you play it, but never gets too bad. 7.5/10

Fable 2: it`s a lot like Fable 1, only good. 8/10

Gears of War 2: it`s pretty much Gears of War with new enemies and guns, and some color. 8.5/10

~Maxie

zack and miri make a porno

saw it last night with a friend of mine, what made the experience better was that the theatre's architecture was very well planned and that the balcony seats were stadium seated unlike it's ground level. god i love new york city cinemas...

it was halloween, the costume parades were well under way, all over from union square park, and all over the fashion district.

this film, to my surprise was a product of kevin smith (clerks, dogma, chasing amy) and to my surprise, this film steered away from his view askewniverse.... this proves that he can successfully create a comedy without relying on his old bag of tricks.

it's sweet, it's raunchy (probably his most raunchy work to date.) and most importantly, one of the funniest movies i have ever had the privilege of watching this year, there were scenes in this film that made me laugh to the point of tears.

but i'm saying too much.

go watch it, and see for yourself. if you love comedy, especially kevin smith's style of comedy, this is the film for you, that times 10.