HULK MASH!

THE INCREDIBLE HULK (2008) is a fast-paced movie that I totally enjoyed at the theatre last month. Not being a huge HULK fan (or even a small one), I went in with absolutely no expectation, other than OK so there's a 100.99% chance that this movie may totally suck. But it didn't.

Assuming the role of researcher / lecturer DR BETTY ROSS - 30, single, down on her luck with love, boyfriend having become a rampaging monster, and on unfriendly terms with her only family, a lunatic dad - you would expect Liv Tyler's character to be a psychotic, moody and frustrated maniac whose life is nothing but memorizing the Encyclopedia Britannica and reading every single article on EBSCO Host. And doing voodoo magic on men when they're not looking.

But the only thing weird about Liv Tyler's BETTY ROSS in the whole movie was her hairdo. Outside of that? She was nerdy enough to be Loreal's new face.

BETTY, as played by Liv Tyler -and- as she would probably actually be IRL

Regardless of all the criticism, this movie was through and through a mindless summer action movie all the way, and fun to watch.

My gripes with THE INCREDIBLE HULK:

1. The only dialogue BETTY has in the entire movie is "It's OK." Especially when it's NOT OK.

2. BRUCE BANNER is the only genius on Earth who goes on punching 'tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tik' on the computer just to type HOME

An apparently hilarious image on the Internet that I disagree with, because
1. It isn't hilarious, and 2. That's not a goatee, dumbass

The story is straight to the point and starts off immediately after the intro-credits run by you at turbo-8 speed. We know from the start that fugutive researcher DR BRUCE BANNER needs to control getting himself excited because that way he becomes XXL SIZE BANNER (COMES IN GREEN ONLY). At the same time, the Army is already hunting for him, to capture and use HULK as a weapon. Etc etc.

10 minutes have hardly gone by that the Army is onto BRUCE and away they go playing tag with machine guns with tranquilizer darts, jumping around the mind-boggling rooftops of Guatemala where he was hiding out. Before you know it, Mr Cool loses his cool and beats the happy holidays out of his pursuers in a terrific intro battle.

From there ahead, we follow BRUCE looking around desperately for shelter, clothes, food, money, sex - anything but a job. Because a decent job is hard to find these days, obviously.

Here's where the real bad guy shows up: an uber soldier called BLONDIE who sniffs on one of the prototype drugs BRUCE was testing on before becoming HULK. BLONDIE becomes a super-charged soldier and helps capture BRUCE, who was busy losing his Gamma Strength so he could finally have sex.

Guess who thinks this is really DEATHWISH 14 ?

As the Army takes the now full-time nerd BRUCE BANNER away, BLONDIE loses his cool and becomes OROCHI HULK and starts destroying the city. I'm guessing it's New York, because it's always been New York in 1,000 other movies.

The Army's onlay option now is to release their captive and pray to GOD RUGAL that he can save their [bleep!] - so it's a 10-minute final round between HULK and MEGA HULK.

I'd like to see BATMAN save the city now, LOL2002

I've watched this movie twice, which goes to show it maybe wasn't terrible. (Or maybe because I need to find a new hobby.)

So I would like to recommend THE INCREDIBLE HULK to you with a big, fat and green 7/10 final score. And 5 of those 7 marks go to Liv Tyler for just being in the movie.